Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
