I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
what is it with giant penises always finding me
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
