His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Randomize