if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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