I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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