Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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