Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
