did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
