genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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