covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I think my vagina is haunted
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
