I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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