You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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