Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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