Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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