Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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