I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
And then he peed in my hair
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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