I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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