he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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