so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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