there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
