Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
