apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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