My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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