so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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