yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
