I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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