I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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