Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
