I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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