I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Houston, we have a squirter
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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