Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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