I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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