Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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