Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
