Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
