I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
