The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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