I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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