girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
