I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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