When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Randomize
