He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize