Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
