apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
