"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
