ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
