you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
