in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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