Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Who died my cat blue again?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
