I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
