you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
