Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
