Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Boobs speak an international language.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
