Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
