6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
