ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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