If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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