do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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