woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
