we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He felt like a one man threesome
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize