i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I wish I could teleport
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I would fuck him just for his dog
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
