soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
