I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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