she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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