I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
