I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
